I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
