What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
