he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
