You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
