I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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