Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
