You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
