I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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