i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
