I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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