Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
