Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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