Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
is wine microwaveable?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
