Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
