her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
