names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
