i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
