My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
