Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish I only lived at night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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