nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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