You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
