Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Text me some of your sweat
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
