I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
