Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
