my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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