Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
