Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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