just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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