fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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