Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
pop tarts are not kleenex
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
