weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
