its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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