i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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