absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
