JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so let's talk penis.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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