Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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