I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
