Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
