Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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