I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I want to fling myself into the sun
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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