im having a threesome with these popsicles
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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