I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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