I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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