Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
