so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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