So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
