Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
