I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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