I want to stick my p in your. b.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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