she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am full of burrito and curiosity
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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