I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
