I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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