Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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