I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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