Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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