i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
