We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
