I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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